We're Having a Baby

Here I sit, lazily lounging around on what may very well be the last weekend Cory and I share just the two of us, and I realize the desire I feel to remember this special season of life. To hold it close and never let go. I wonder if this is motherhood in a nutshell. 

Unbelievably, so many little details have already slipped my mind. So, as my pregnancy comes to close, this is my attempt to capture everything we went through to get here - the emotions, the hope, the prayers, the tears, the joy. 

2015 was quite a year for us and therefore, my brain wants to organize it into a timeline. 

Before I do that, I want to make a note that Cory and I were never big "kid" people. During pre-marital counseling our highest compatibility score was on our thoughts around parenting and raising kids...probably because while it was always a possibility that we would have kids one day, it was never the end all, be all goal for either of us. My sister has given us plenty of little babies to love, so we were good for awhile and set off to enjoy our twenties freely. 

And then in October 2014, Cory turned 30.  

Which is a whole separate topic, but the point being is that it got us starting to talk less about what vacation we wanted to go on next or what shenanigans we had planned for the weekend, and more about what we wanted to pursue and build together in our next 30 years. 

So this is where the timeline begins.

February 14, 2015 - We go all in, if you know what I mean.

So I immediately think I'm pregnant and feel awkward. We do this just as my mom tells one of her best friends that she doesn't think we'll ever have kids. HA! I just love that part.

April 1, 2015 - We get our first positive pregnancy test. 

After visiting my friend and her new baby I decide to go buy a box of pregnancy tests. To my surprise and delight - I get to pull off the ultimate April Fool's Day joke when I told Cory that we were pregnant. Except it wasn't a joke! 

The following morning I called my OB office freaking out - I needed to see a doctor immediately. Something was growing in my body and I needed to know exactly what to do. Of course they told me to stay away from alcohol and certain types of fish and to stop freaking out. They would see me in a month when I was 8 weeks along. 8 whole weeks!?!?

May 2015 - We got bad news.
At our very first baby appointment we were brimming with nerves - excitement, disbelief, all the feels, basically. When I mentioned having some cramps our OB suggested we do an early ultrasound. Also, she said my uterus felt so big that she suspected that we may be working with twins in there. Stunned, Cory and I grab lunch and come back for an ultrasound an hour later. 

Which is where the story takes it's first shitty turn that I can only explain in the way we understood it (in layman's terms).

My body was operating like it was pregnant - my boobs hurt, I was sleepy all the time, occasionally experienced morning sickness, etc. - but our baby-to-be had no fetal pull, meaning that it wasn't a baby at all, just a ball of cells that my body thought was a baby.  

So I had a D&C. And it sucked. If you don't know what that is, lucky you. 

One thing I want to remember is how I felt the moment I woke up post-procedure. I immediately felt something missing, lighter almost, that something that was there before was no longer around. It was a bittersweet sensation - bitter, because I would have much rather had a baby growing in there, but sweet because it felt that we could move on.

I should also mention that "Bye, Bye, Bye" was playing overhead by N'SYNC when I woke. Seriously. 

Through this ordeal we learned that 1 in 4 women actually experience miscarriage, which was pretty shocking to me, so we tried not to be too discouraged. We enjoyed a fun summer and kept our hopes up that it would happen again when the time was right.

October 2015 - We had a second miscarriage. 

Followed by a month of testing. I can't complain - it wasn't that bad, but it did cost $6000, which our insurance covered due to the fact we had experienced multiple miscarriages.

Thankfully, the test results showed a only few minor problems that could be easily fixed through antibiotics and ongoing medicine to be taken while we were trying to conceive and then throughout a pregnancy. 

One very happy memory during this time period was telling my sister that we were pregnant. While we were FaceTiming (which we usually do multiple times a week) I asked Briggs if he wanted to see our baby. I would normally show him Winston and he would squeal and laugh, so when I showed him my belly he turned to my sister with a really confused look on his face. She told him we were just kidding, then Cory whipped out the positive pregnancy test and shocked her with the news that, no we were not kidding! After she actually believed us - it took a little convincing - lots of happy tears followed. 

Even though that pregnancy ended (even quicker than the first - between weeks four and five), that was a moment I will always cherish. 

December 2015 - We got our third positive pregnancy test of the year.

By this time I was starting to feel like the girl who cried pregnant. Given my history, my OB had me began to do blood draws every other day to measure my HCG levels. They started off low and not quite doubling like they should, so we were scared. 

My mind starting wondering - was I ever going to be able to get pregnant? If not, what did that mean? What would that look like for our future? I cried all of the time. All I could do was hope and pray - breaking down to my knees type of praying. 

February 2016 - Good News!

After a few months of uncertainty, we had (finally) made it to the "safety net" of the second trimester. In joyful disbelief, we celebrated and shared our happy news with the world - one full year after we began our journey.

To say that we are grateful for this little man growing inside me is an understatement. It's been so wonderful to share the journey to parenthood with the person I love the most in this world - bringing us to new, deeper levels than we had ever been to before. 

So, in the last remaining days before we meet this kid, I wanted to take a moment to remember and share the path we took to get here - and make sure that I don't take one step for granted.

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